Mantras for this moment

Painting is meditation for me. 

I breathe slowly. I can almost feel the paper through my paintbrush. Time slows down. All that matters are the colours, the water, and the rhythmic strokes of my brush. 

Each brush stroke is a mantra. 

A mantra is something, usually a word or phrase, that is repeated and that expresses one's basic beliefs. 

I believe a brush-stroke can be a mantra, too, as it expresses silence, and colour, and light, and our connection to the force of continuous creation. 

My mantras change every day. Sometimes the brush-strokes are enough. Sometimes tap-tapping on the keyboard in a silent room is enough. 

But sometimes I need something more concrete to cling to when I'm being buffeted by the winds of the world. 

Here are two mantras that are getting me through the day right now. 

ALL SHALL BE WELL

This has been a steady mantra for me for years. It repeats itself quietly in my subconscious without me noticing, and then not so quietly in my conscious when I need the support. 

Tough day with a toddler? All shall be well. Mountains of unfolded laundry? All shall be well. Another polite rejection letter? All shall be well. Feeling lost in life? All manner of things shall be well.  

All I have to do is put one foot in front of the other, faithfully, and repeat the phrase: all shall be well.

And it

will

be.  

BELONGING

I repeat this over and over when I'm feeling out of synch with where I am in life. It could be my home. It could be my work. It could be my body (sometimes I don't feel at home in that, either). I repeat "belonging" quietly under my breath and visualize everything in my life being at home, or wherever it belongs. 

Let my illustrations find a home. Let my stories find a home. Help me to feel at home wherever I am. 

Belonging.

BREATHE

This is as much an exhortation to inhale and exhale as it is a mantra. I find that when days get difficult or complicated I hold my breath; or I gasp; or I sigh; or I exhale sharply in annoyance. 

Sometimes I pause in the middle of "the hard thing" and remind myself to breathe. When I inhale, deeply, I can feel the muscles in my upper back and shoulders expanding, and when I exhale they loosen and relax. 

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

I tell myself. 

With breath comes

inspiration

. After all the word "inspire" means "to breathe in."  

Whether my mantra is a brush-stroke or a phrase or a breath, it always makes me feel refreshed and ready to face anything. 

Do you have a mantra that speaks to you? 

All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

St. Julian of Norwich (1342-1416)

My week in drawings and verbs

 I love verbs. 

When I hear a verb I feel that I am right in the action, swinging along with the story. 

So here is my day in verbs.... 

Reading // I just got a rather large amazon delivery, which made a random day in May feel like Christmas. So, I'm anticipating breaking the covers of: Tell it Slant by Brenda Miller and Suzanne Paola, and A House with Four Rooms by Rumer Gooden.  Now I just need to find some quiet moments to start my journey though the pages. Also, Swatch by Julia Denos, which is a poem of a picture book. Just perfect in every way. 

Listening to // Right this minute I'm listening to Little One trying to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the baby monitor. We're still preserving the morning nap, even though most days it ends up being "quiet time" rather than "sleep time." She sits in her cot, babbling and singing to her three darling stuffies. 

Sipping // My second cup of decaf coffee. Only decaf or else

this...

Painting // I'm working on my fourth illustration for this week. If I want to finish my current two picture books by my deadline I have to paint four illustrations per week, minimum.  This is to allow me time for a holiday (yay! Canada!), and time at the end of the project to repaint or fix any illustrations that don't meet my exacting standards. I have three baby-free mornings, and five afternoon naps in which I can work. Every minute counts. 

Seeing // The gorgeous, skim-milk-thin, post-rainy-day morning light. The grey clouds are low and gossamer. I expect they will burn off by the afternoon. 

Running // Errands... not marathons. Little One and I have lots of tasks to complete today, but once we're done, hopefully the afternoon will be perfect for duck-feeding by the river. Once we've gone for our doctor's checkup... bought some new shoes... stopped by the pharmacy... and run around the Bentall's shopping centre examining all the knee-high window displays (why do stores display everything so low!?).... 

What are your verbs for today? 

Running to the river... always at top speed. She's the fastest 18 month old I know. 

A notebook to hold all the lists... 

My notebook collection

This weekend I spent some time organizing my studio, and I thought it might be fun to take you on a tour of my notebook collection and show you how I use them.

My Journal

I have been keeping journals continuously since I was 12 or 13 years old. I started in sweet looking cloth-bount diaries, then moved on to Mead 5-star spiral bound scribblers, then decided that I needed to be stylish and chic, and graduated to moleskines.

I write an entry almost every day. Normally I describe what happened that day (or the day before, if I'm writing first thing in the morning), and outline my thoughts about my projects or things that might be happening in my life.

However, I don't always write journal entries in my moleskine journal. I keep a concurrent journal in a Scrivener file and sometimes I brain-dump my thoughts into that. It's nice to be able to type at the speed of my thoughts, instead of waiting for my hand and pen to catch up.

I'm not precious about my paper journals. They're messy. They're full of scribbles. They're peppered with mis-spelled words and incomplete sentences. Sometimes I only have the time to write quick lists about the day -- things I saw, things I thought about -- in a rapid logging style. My journal is for un-selfconscious experimentation and expression. It's where I push my voice to its limits and figure out what my heart really wants to say. It is utterly private, but at the same time, there isn't much in there that is deeply secret or unsharable.

My Sketchbook

I recently moved from a moleskine pocket sketchbook to a normal sized one. At first I liked the smaller size of the pocket book because I could wedge it between diapers, wipes and bottles in my hold-everything bag. Now that Little One is older, and we don't need to bring the kitchen sink on every outing, I've opted for a slightly larger notebook. It gives me more freedom to decide how large I want my sketches to be. 

This sketchbook is all about daily experimentation and play. I'm not enamoured with the moleskine sketchbook paper. It only does an adequate job of dealing with watercolours and some pens bleed on the paper. That being said, I quite like that I can't be precious about what I'm doing. I feel free to make mistakes because these drawings are only for myself. 

I have many other sketchbooks which are the workhorses for my various jobs and projects. For those I normally use A3 or A4 Seawhite of Brighton sketchbooks. They're big, bulky, fantastic, and rarely leave my studio. 

My Personal Dictionary

This is where I have to admit to you that I'm a nerd; I'm completely, hopelessly nerdy. When I'm reading and I come across a word I don't know, want to use more often, or think is particularly lovely, I write it and its definition down in this little notebook. 

I don't know where I got this book from and it started off as something different. It's first iteration was as a book of lists: things I wanted to bake, things I loved, etc.  But, it turns out that a book of lists didn't inspire me. 

But a book of words? 

Heaven. 

Here are a few of the words therein....

caparison:

ornamental covering for a horse

fulsome:

complimentary or flattering to a excessive degree

dilatory:

slow to act; intended to cause delay

furze:

gorse (a type of plant). Thorny, evergreen, small yellow flowers, grows in the moors. 

pellucid:

translucently clear

plaints:

another way to say "complaints" 

numinous:

having a strong religious or spiritual quality. 

Will I ever use any of these words in every-day writing or speaking? Probably not, but I love knowing that I have enriched my vocabulary with them. 

My Inspiration Notebook 

Whenever I read inspiring passages or facts I copy them into my inspiration notebook.

In essence, this is like an old "commonplace book," which is defined as a notebook into which notable extracts from other works are copied for personal use. 

I'm on my third commonplace book. At first I copied clichéd quotes and song lyrics (I was in my teens). In my second book I copied beautiful paragraphs from novels, and useful paragraphs from non-fiction. 

In my third book, in addition to recording beautiful and useful things, I'm also trying to incorporate more poetry. 

I need more poetry in my life.

My Gratitude Journal

My Easter resolution this year was to keep a gratitude journal. I've flirted with the idea for years; scribbling little notes in the margins of my journals or day planner, but I've never stuck with it for longer than a few weeks, because I've never had a concrete plan.

I realized that if I listed three things I was grateful for every day, that would be 1095 happy things to remember over the course of a year.

I wanted a special notebook to motivate my in my quest for gratitude, so I ordered the gorgeous "Line A Day" diary from Chronicle Books, which is a perpetual diary that runs for 5 years.

Think about this: five years of daily gratitude would record 5475 happy moments.

My Day Planner

My day planner is a black moleskine notebook with squared pages. I have quested high and low, though stationery stores across three continents, and never found my perfect planner. My main requirements are: a weekly view where the daily portions are vertical instead of horizontal, so I can write lists; and lots of space in the margins for weekly lists that are not day-specific. 

For much of last year I used a planner that I had made in inDesign and had printed at our local Notting Hill printing shop. However, after six months the ring binding was in shreds and pages flew hither and thither whenever I opened it. 

Since moleskine notebooks have the strongest binding of any notebook I know, I bought a book with squared pages and ruled the spreads myself. 

I LOVE this little planner of mine. It is my brain. It is my time-keeper. It keeps me sane and helps when I feel overwhelmed. Everything gets written down, so nothing is forgotten (at least nothing important). 

And, there are plenty of pages in the back for me to keep notes on projects I'm working on, books I'm reading or want to read, random lists, and weekly recipes so that I always have the ingredients lists on hand. 

It's a mess, but I love it.

What do you think? 

Do you have any notebooks you can't live without? 

And, would you like a more detailed tour of any of the above notebooks? Please leave a comment to let me know. 

And, as always, show your love by pinning on pinterest, sharing on facebook or twitter, or hearting in bloglovin! 

My week in drawings

'

This week I.....

.... found the perfect shade of blue-green to paint the forest landscape the dominates the next two picture books I'm working on. The brightly coloured African animals will really pop against this colour. This colour is sometimes called 

eau de Nil 

(water of the Nile).

.... was inspired by this quote. It made my heart spin: a full revolution. I've decided that my criteria for accepting any project needs to be whether or not it causes a revolution in my heart. 

.... want to tell more stories. If the world isn't made of atoms, but tiny stories, that means you have millions of stories in your heart; billions in your body. Can you hear them? Your stories are enriching your life and singing songs of encouragement. 

What's your story today? 

Did you like any of these drawings? Feel free to share them on Pinterest! 

How to make work easy PLUS a few daily drawings

{Soaring through the week, and crossing things off my list one by one}

It is a sunny, sweet day: perfect for sitting in the breeze and dreaming. 

Next door, workmen are clanking, whirring and banging. It gives me a false sense of industry. I'm not doing much, but someone nearby is working very hard. It feels like that work transfers to me by proximity. Like when I'm drinking tea and the washing machine is spinning loudly. I'm not doing anything, but it is working very hard, and so I feel satisfied and accomplished. 

I have been thinking a lot lately about what work means. 

My Dad always said that we should "work smart, not hard." 

And I've spent my entire life trying to figure out what that means. 

It means being efficient. It means figuring out what is absolutely necessary, doing that necessary thing, and then resting. It is when we rest that we get our best ideas. 

The trick is figuring out what the necessary things are. 

The other day I made a list of my "necessary" things. It is small but mighty: daily drawings, daily journalling, writing stories, working on my illustration projects, reading novels and poetry, keeping detailed to-do lists. (Playing with little-one and hanging out with my husband are necessary things, but they don't fall under the "work" category; they are unadulterated fun.)

That is all. 

Six necessary things.

Of course, my day-to-day life contains a million and one things I need to do: hanging laundry, cleaning the toilet, making my toddler's dinner, making our dinner..... These all huddle under the umbrella of "keeping detailed to-do lists." 

My to-do list umbrella protects me from the storm of tasks that constantly hurls itself at my door like a monsoon. I simply write down the things I think are most important.

And then I stick to it. 

Then powering through the drudgery becomes automatic. For example, I don't question whether or not I clean the bathroom on a Wednesday, I just do it. And, while I'm cleaning, I go through the motions by rote so that I can let my mind glide off and spin in circles, thinking about my wonderful, confounding ideas. 

But, that is tangental.

Meanwhile, I'm focusing on daily drawings, journalling, and doing good work in my studio. 

What are your necessary things? 

How do you work "smart, and not hard? 

Is anyone interested in reading a more detailed post about how I structure my to-do lists so that I can minimize my effort on a weekly basis?

{Don't forget, you can download all sorts of to-do list and planner printables if you join my

"Studio Friends" mailing list.

I'll add more printables every month.}

{The work in progress}

{Hippity-hop hippity-hop}

{Drawing faces on paint blobs}

{I can't get enough of cherry blossoms: I captured these on our morning walk to little-one's nursery school}

{A weekend trip to the Isabella Plantation in Richmond Park, a short bicycle ride from our house}

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Free Printables and a new website

How is it going in your corner of the world? Busy? Wonderful? Challenging? Fun? How would you describe your life right now?

I recently decided to eradicate the word "busy" from my vocabulary. It's not that I'm not busy, it's just that it's not a constructive way for me describe my life right now. The word "busy" makes me feel frantic and hassled. Whereas, if I say that my life is "full" or "rich," I feel like each moment is ripe with possibility.

One of the ways I cope with the "fullness" of my life is to keep detailed to-do lists. Being a working mom with a busy, curious toddler takes a lot of organization!

Do you also want to organize all the "richness" in your life?

I've created a special, printable PDF to-do list notepaper for all my Studio Friends.

Want one?

All you have to do is head over to

the home page

on my website and sign up for my mailing list.

As a Studio Friend, you'll receive no more than 6 emails per year. I don't like a crowded inbox, and I'm sure you don't either!

If you want to download the special "to-do" list and much more you can find it in the resource library in the "Studio Friends" section of my website. There are loads of free printables, from party invites to custom day-planner pages, all free for you to print and use! The "Studio Friends" page is password protected. Want in?  

Head over here

 and sign up for the mailing list.

So, what can you expect from my emails?

I will share insights into my studio: photos and stories and sneak-peaks at works in progress. These are things you won't see anywhere else on the web. I will also share some of the things that inspire me most. Hopefully you'll be inspired too!

My Studio Friends are so special to me!

Why I'm inspired by the clutter on my desk

As I sit at my desk, I can see five coffee mugs or jam jars filled with various pens, pencils, paintbrushes, and crayons; three notebooks half-filled with project ideas and dreams; two sticky-note pads; a scattering of pencil shavings; a baby monitor (she’s still sleeping!); half a dozen tubes of watercolour paint; my computer (on which I’m typing); and a pair of glasses I never wear (I’m convinced my eyes have improved).

I don’t need all these things. In fact, I rarely use half of them. But the fact that they are there, right at my finger-tips, gives me the sense that I could use them, if I were inspired.

If I were inspired...

You see, that’s the operative hope. I desperately need all the clutter on my desk because if it isn’t there, it makes work too difficult. I would have to find the exact pen in the zen-style storage container on my shelf. I would have to search for the perfect shade of blue pencil in the pencil case. I might waste five minutes rummaging through an immaculate storage container to find my favourite "hake" brush for watercolour washes. And in that five minutes, the fleeting, diaphanous idea that had been floating through my mind might have disappeared forever.

But, if my desk is cluttered, or even messy, then everything is ready... just in case.

My desktop clutter is a kind of superstition. If it’s not there, I’m not sure I can make anything.

So, I work with projects layered upon projects. They are piled on my desk, like some sort of sedimentary settlement of creativity. They are a river delta of thoughts; grains of sand upon grains of sand forming an unsteady marsh for me to wade through.

Even the floor is part of my geography of inspiration. Scattered at my feet are: my scanner, my wacom drawing tablet (still plugged into my computer, with the cord snaking off the desk to the floor, just in case), three more notebooks, a binder full of archived lists and ideas, a ream of printer paper, a half-finished book, my garbage can (newly acquired, now at least there isn't any trash on the floor), and several large pads of Fabriano watercolour paper.

In this mess I have my best ideas.

In this mess I feel comfortable.

I think I'm pretty good at keeping our house clean and clutter free. I've read the decluttering manifesto by Marie Kondo. I regularly donate items to the local charity shop. I keep to a rigorous weekly cleaning schedule. I make sure little-one's toys are organized and stowed away at the end of each day...

So, even though I sometimes dream of having the perfect zen-like studio space, full of organized storage, white walls, and calming house plants lining the window sill.

In reality I have happy mess; a happy creative mess.

Daily Drawings plus a few photos from the week

{A midsummer night's dream. Celebrating Shakespeare's 400th anniversary}

{Happy Birthday to the Queen! I sketched her surrounded

by coins from all the Commonwealth countries I hold dear: 

Canada, Great Britain, South Africa and Namibia.}

{A portrait of Mrs. Pontipine from the children's

TV show "In the Night Garden.}

{Baby's desk...}

{My desk}

Daily Drawings

{Bright colours for a gloomy day}

The wonderful thing about my "daily drawings" is that I don't berate myself if I can't actually draw every day. 

In fact, I do draw every day, but not always fun, experimental or "sharable" things. 

My theory is that if I have a goal of "daily fun drawings" and I draw 4 or 5 days out of seven, then I'm succeeding wildly. 

It's just like my "daily" yoga practice. My ultimate goal is to do yoga first thing every morning.  But I normally manage it three or four mornings per week.  That's still a victory, right? It's more than nothing! 

I'm trying to celebrate small moments of progress. 

What is one small thing you've done this week to move towards your dreams?

{Drawing on the train}

{Drawing on the train}

How I'm hoping gratitude will change my life

It has been two weeks since Easter, and I'm finally planning to take the egg tree down off our mantlepiece and carefully pack the decorations away for another year.

Easter always sneaks up on me. It blooms, unexpectedly, out of winter darkness like a crocus popping out of the snow. Always before I expected it, and always against the odds.

Despite my unpreparedness, it is my favourite holiday. The promise of new beginnings always gives me new hope. Why don't we make Easter resolutions, instead of New Year's resolutions? The momentum of the new-growth would carry us farther than the gloom of winter.

My Easter resolution this year was to keep a gratitude journal. I've flirted with the idea for years; scribbling little notes in the margins of my journals or day planner, but I've never stuck with it for longer than a few weeks, because I've never had a concrete plan.

This year I decided I needed to be more committed.

Enough flirting, let's get serious.

I realized that if I listed three things I was grateful for every day, that would be 1095 happy things to remember over the course of a year.

I wanted a special notebook to motivate my in my quest for gratitude, so I ordered the gorgeous "Line A Day" diary from Chronicle Books, which is a perpetual diary that runs for 5 years.

Think about this: five years of daily gratitude would record 5475 happy moments.

I hope that as the years go by I will notice how my responses to gratitude will evolve, and that I will discover aspects of my life that I have previously underrated.  Maybe I will even discover the secret to lasting happiness. (One can only hope).

When I look back over a period of time and think "I have been happy" or "I have been unhappy," what I say depends completely on the mood I am in at the time.

If I am happy -- if my daughter is laughing and content, and I have had time to draw, or paint, or read -- then that moment acts as a thread to connect to all the other happy moments in my life, when I have felt similarly content.  It becomes a string of pearls extended backwards in time.

But if I am unhappy, then I am reminded of all the moments in my past when I have been sad or discontent. The past, and therefore the future, seems impossibly bleak and cold, with all those unhappy memories starting at me like reflections in a hall of mirrors.

What I want to do is focus on all my happy memories.  To do that I need to focus on being happy today, so that I can pull that pearl-string of happy memories back into my life.

I want to dwell in gratitude.

This is how I'm doing it:

1. Setting a time.

I like to write my gratitude list right before going to bed, so that I can fall asleep surrounded by happy memories.  So that I don't forget (and I forget everything nowadays) I set a reminder on my phone to go off at 9.30pm.  I'm usually asleep by 10pm.

2. Three unique things.

I try to make my items unique. So, if I'm grateful for a cup of coffee for the third day in a row, I try to think of something special about it. Maybe holding the warm cup in my hands. Or the smell. Or the ritual of preparing it.  That way I can explore as many aspects of the things I love as possible and not get bored in occasional repetitiveness of the process.

3. Really being grateful.

Once I've written my list I pause for a moment and I actually say "thank-you" for those things I've just written down. That way I can internalize the gratitude and not write the lists mindlessly (though some evenings I'm so exhausted I'm happy if I can put pen to paper.)

If you liked this post, pin it, share it, tweet it... or just leave a comment to say hello!

Daily Drawings

Part of this daily drawing discipline is about experimentation. 

My normal style is pen and ink coloured with watercolour, then scanned and given sleight of hand photoshop touches. 

This works really well for me. But, sometimes it's necessary to jump into new waters for a refreshing swim. Then one can return to work with a renewed mind and fresh perspective. 

So, I've been playing with collage this week. I feel like I've returned to the delights of kindergarten, when cutting, gluing and sticking were my favourite activities. 

I've done fewer drawings this week, as little one has been miserably sick with conjunctivitis. So in between cuddles I rush to my sketchbook to record the visions from my inside-eye. 

{On Monday morning I could have stayed in bed all day}

{Drawing comics for

SCBWI British Isles

}

{There is nothing better than clouds of cherry blossoms and a clear sky. The skies have been altogether too cloudy for my taste recently.} 

Dancing with Daffodils

When I open my front door I step into a cloud of purple fragrance. It is sweet and intoxicating. At my feet the bees are getting drunk on the nectar from the hyacinths. My window boxes are an open bar with an infinite tab.

I love to see the bees waltz, bourrée, and fox trot around the hyacinths, muscari and daffodils.

Sometimes, when I'm stuck in my studio with a fog of thoughts and worries clouding my senses, I think I hear the flowers knocking on the door, wanting me to come out to play.

So, the other day I did.

I drew a fairy, and she and I cavorted with the spring flowers for an afternoon.

Daily Drawings

In January I resolved to do daily drawings. I purchased a new moleskine sketchbook (small enough to carry in my hand-bag, but still large enough to hold big ideas), and set out to experiment, play and have fun.

I haven’t managed to draw every day, but I draw most days, and I consider that a success.

The thing with being an illustrator is that I

do

draw every day, but most of the time the drawings are for other people. They fulfil a brief. They need to be vetted by editors and art directors. They get sent back for changes. I love my work, but sometimes I crave the freedom to experiment.

So daily drawings are a way for me to let my creative soul soar.

Here are a few..... 

I'll keep posting more on either a weekly or monthly basis.  

Do you have a daily discipline that makes you happy? It doesn't have to be drawing, it could be journalling, or yoga, or cooking delicious dinners.... There are so many ways to ignite our creative hearts.  

Sketches from Namibia

In February we made the long trek to Johannesburg and Namibia to celebrate my sister-in-law's wedding.  We frolicked in the sandy desert and I enjoyed sketching the out-of-this-world scenery.

If you like these sketchbook pages, please feel free to share on Facebook, Pin on Pinterest or Tweet to all your friends!

What have you been up to in the past month?

The seasons are changing from gloomy winter to glittering spring and we're gradually settling into our new little house. I'm so grateful for the feeling of new beginnings; new home, new ideas, new routines, new excitement for life!

Here are some pages from my sketchbook. 

{Packing....} 

{Enduring a 12 hour over-night flight with a 14 month old baby girl....}

And Some Photos of Johannesburg....

Some Photos of Namibia

{From the air}

{Sand and sea forever}

{I got my Dad's watch repaired at a friend's antique watch shop. My Dad would have been thrilled that his watch travelled all the way to Namibia to be repaired. He loved Africa.}

{My niece and nephews playing on the dunes}

{The wedding car}

{In the town of Swakopmund}

A hand painted iPhone wallpaper and more daily drawings

My Christmas gift this year was upgrading my iphone4 to an iPhone6. I've never been much of a technology snob, but this small change has revolutionised my smart phone experience. The camera is crystal clear, maybe even nicer than my fancy dslr in some ways. 

However, the one thing the new phone didn't have was my favourite "cloudy cosmos" wallpaper. 

So I decided to paint my own! 

Sunset on the winter solstice above the roofs of west London. 

The view from our kitchen window 

Sketching on regent street 

Winter solstice sunset and more daily drawings

It's dark and cold, the time when we all crave the light the most. Yesterday, on Winter Solstice Eve, the sunset was merely a faint glow of light above the Victorian rooftops of West London. 

When the year is the darkest, I have to keep reminding myself to keep my inner light shining brightly. 

What do you do to protect the light in these dark months? I read, write and draw. They are the triumvirate of all things good for me. 

(If you like the drawings, feel free to pin, share on facebook, or otherwise appreciate them!)

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas! 

Daily drawings for advent

I am challenging myself to do daily drawings in my tiny moleskine sketchbook for the advent season.  Who knows? If I find it inspiring enough I might even continue into the New Year.

Here are the first few pages...

If you like them, please pin on pinterest, or share on Facebook or Twitter!

I hope you all have a wonderful, lovely Holiday Season.

My New Writing Routine: Take Two

 

My mom stayed with us for a month and helped to look after Little M while I tackled a few creative projects that were gathering dust in the corner. I had the liberty write and draw freely and exuberantly.

I finished the dummy for a new book for Penguin Random House South Africa. And I made headway on two personal projects that I had been bursting to start. One has completely changed shape after a transformative weekend retreat at Gladstone's Library; the other is plodding along at a slow pace, but I'm very happy with its progress. 

So... success all around.  

But it's interesting to notice how success "feels" versus how you "thought" success would look when you were imagining it.  

This is how success looked... 

I didn't write 500 words per day.

Not even close. But if you consider that a picture might be worth a 1000 words, then I didn't do so badly. 

I managed to close the door and turn off the internet.

 But I ended up sleeping most of that time. I'm convincing myself that sleep can be as restorative and inspiring as drawing and writing.

I wanted to page through the dictionary.

 I did look up a few words words (asperity, restive, adumbration...) but otherwise the tome gathered dust on the floor beside my bedside table.  Perhaps I'll open it more now? One can only live in hope. 

I hoped to read with reckless joy.

 And I did.  This isn't a difficult resolution to make because it's what I always do anyway.

And finally. I wanted to feel proud of anything I could accomplish,

even if it was less than I had hoped for, because being a stay-at-home/working mom is tough. Yes it is.  No question.  And I'm so proud of the small steps I've taken this month. 

Going Forward

This month of rest and creativity has given me a lot of courage. 

To all you readers who might be stay-at-home/working moms... it can be done.

It takes 3 minutes to sterilize Little M's bottles in the microwave.  I often pop them in, and then quickly do a few chores in the kitchen.  I wash a few dishes. I wipe the counters. I fold laundry.

It's amazing what one can accomplish in 3 minutes.  I can do anything for 3 minutes, even the things I think are impossible, like sitting down to write or draw.  (Someone, someday, will be able to run a 3 minute mile, even that's not impossible.)

Sometimes, when Little M is fractious and I'm exhausted, I divide my day into innumerable 3 minute parcels. That way things don't feel overwhelming.

I write for three minutes; I draw for three minutes.

I thread those little moments together like beads on a string, and suddenly I've accomplish more than I thought I could.

I'm not sure how I'll manage now that my mom has returned to Canada, but I saw a scintilla of light glimmering in the fog of confusion and exhaustion. 

It must be possible....

It is possible. 

The key is to realize that there's no way of knowing how to do it until you're in the middle of it, muddling your way through. 

I'm just going to start and hope for the best. And hopefully I'll find inspiration, energy and a bit of luck along the way.